Mourning: What is Good Grief

Grief can be such a debilitating experience.  When we are going through it there seems to be no way out, when we begin to live our lives again we can't believe we got through it.  In my life I have grieved the loss of both my parents, my brother and my son.  I have grieved moving from my home town and leaving friends of nearly 20 years, the loss of jobs and divorce.

There are many stages to grief and not all of us go through them all or in the same order.  Good grief means that you are moving, however slowly or disorganized, through whichever phases you are going to go through. When you get stuck or seem to be lost, this is an indication that your grief is getting the better of you and that you should consider getting some help either from family or professionally.

Don't let others define what your grief is going to look like.  We all grieve in different ways and you need to honor what feels right for you and your beliefs surrounding death.  It is perfectly fine to keep things and create a shrine if you feel it helps you to have reminders of the one you lost around.  It is also just fine to remove photos and mementos until you are strong enough to look at them again.  There is no rule that says that you must clear out all the clothes and belongings of your loved one right away.

(photo by www.extension.org)

Remember that often people make suggestions to you that are really for their own benefit.  For example,  people will tell you not to cry, that time will heal your heart.  They say this because it is uncomfortable for them to see you crying, and they know that they cannot do anything to ease your pain.

For those of you who may be in the throes of grief please know that it is not weakness to ask for help if you need it.  This is a time when you are allowed to be as selfish as you need to be.  Your friends and family cannot do anything to help you through your grief; they can cook for you, do laundry, take care of some errands, and just be there to listen if you need to talk.  Ask them, it will help both of you feel better. 

If you have a friend who is suffering in this way, know also, that they may not have the wherewithal to ask for what they need.  Just show up at their house and do what needs to be done.  Bring some food with you. Do not wait to be asked.

(photo by www.oasisanimalclinic.com)

For those of you who are supporting someone in grief please understand that you do not know how they feel.  Even if you have had a similar loss, their experience is different than yours, so just tell them that you love them, tell them that you care, give them a hug, bring them food, clean their house, offer to help in the mundane ways that they cannot manage right now.

We all experience loss, and we do it in unique ways.  Please don't compare your grief to someone else's experiences.

Blessings and Peace,

Sydney
 
You may contact me directly through one of my Facebook pages:
https://www.facebook.com/pages/A-Sense-of-Peace-Inc/131165690233450 
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Sydney-Bridges-Certified-Grief-Counselor/1441897136078091?ref=bookmark
https://www.facebook.com/TarotreadingsbySydney?ref=bookmarks

Or one of my Websites:
http://www.asenseofpeaceinc.com/
http://sydneysministry.com/